Dark Life...

A post out of boredom.

2006-10-05T17:40:00.000+08:00

I'm so bored. I'm stuck in college. I'm stuck in the web with a burping-girl sitting next to me. She has been burping for the past 15 minutes. What did she eat?!...*sniff sniff*...Ee-uu...I can only smell my wangi hair :P

I messaged ERIC TEH but he didn't reply me. Teh Thien Hong, I hope your car gets stuck in the workshop. I hope you read this Eric. For 13 years of friendship, you left me lonely in the web sitting with a burping girl. I've known him since Primary 1 and he supported Japan in the Worldcup...I still remember REVO owe me a meal. *You will be reading this as I am sending SMS linking you to my blog now.*

Overheard a conversation in the ladies. More to eavesdropped lar...But when you speak in public places such as the washroom you intended for someone to hear... Right? Right? So they were talking about this guy...The name I couldn't actually recall but sounded something like Ah-Chong (All the Ah-Chongs in the world, don't perasan)...*wtf max*...Apparently or OBVIOUSLY, one of them has a huge crush on him la...waiting for people outside library and all...How come no one does that for me?...(Because I am always IN the library...) Some more know what's people's break time. Nowadays girls also so skilled at courting already.

Everytime I mentioned a guy to my classmates...They'll ask: Long hair or short? Nice teeth?...Because those were my basic criteria...I am not attracted to guys with long hair. I am not in liking with guys who have bad teeth. Bad = super-duper yellowish...Not aligned never mind. No-one's perfect. I can't list out any other requirements because I really think that whatever I am setting now; my guy will probably be the exact opposite of everything. No Point. I want a guy smarter than me...I am very smart. I despise guys who wear butt-tight pants...it's not sexy...don't try to imitate Carlos (Typical name for gigolo) in Spanish movies...*pukes blood*. I don't like guys prettier than me because I want to be the pretty one and the guy being the handsome one. Ok lar...so far that's all. Hehe.

Example of long hair man.

Why am I so emotional bout all these? Probably because Sheela has Matt, Peiwen has someone and so does Vee. They're going to leave me...sob sob...HEHEHE...Chisin...Nothing to emo about. I have 3 guys at home. Papa Yap, Bro Yap Senior and Bro Yap Junior. Papa Yap holds the power and the other two is for me to demand around...normally demands not met.

How come everyone tells me they saw me in One Utama? Yeslar...I go there too often but so easy to spot meh?...I don't buy your story ah...don't think you tell me you saw me in OU means I will give you my number :P Sacred lar...Jeng Jeng. Must derive a super hard function for my HP number so that next time who wants my number has to solve it. Nyehehehe...smirking.

Peiwen darling...Happy Birthday. Despite having only a few wrinkles, you still look beautiful to me, because I am not wearing my spectacles...Tsk Tsk. I love you. And I owe you a present. Promise. Mine is on December 10, thank you very much. FedEx and Courier Service offer delivery services...even from Penang.

Let me teach you how to know when Nikki means what she says. When she puts a "Promise." behind her message, it's real for sure. Otherwise...don't count on it lar...

I want to go eat in AC. Tata.

Mocking

2006-09-28T21:42:00.000+08:00

Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn (Shakespeare, 1697).
Don't ever provoke a girl...by any means. Especially not by saying, "You're fat". This phrase can send you straight to hell. "Fat" is a very sensitive word you know?
Allow me to enlighten you people (Referring to the guys). Words to be removed from the "Get-the-chic" dictionary include: chubby, cute, curvaceous, huggable, soft, tender...because we (girls) interpret it in a different way and all of them mean FAT. Alvin Leong Fun Sheet and I were chatting bout something to do with being fat.

Alvin: You are horizontal in that picture.
Nikki: Horizontal is fat. You saying I fat.
Alvin: Like that call fat? =.=
Nikki: I don't want to talk to thin people. (Alvin is anorexic...)
Alvin: I mean your position. If you fat, those fatter people are monsters...(Yer...so discriminating wan).
Nikki: Nola...I chubby. Not fat. Cute mah.
Alvin: Cute la. Cute la.
Nikki: HOR!...you say I fat. Cute = fat.
Alvin: Doesn't mean that way also. You say wan.
Nikki: SHO SHAD la...I'm fat. I can't eat eggs (So random wan lor...). I can't fit into a pelampung. I can't sit swing. I can't wear heels.
Alvin: =.= OMG...Oklar, not fat. You want to see fat? The one on the XXXXX...***This whole section is filtered because it will end Leong Fun Sheet up in BIG trouble, I don't want that.***

The horizontal picture that made me "fat"...I bought it :P

Conclusion, whenever a girl asks you "Am I fat?", don't even think, say NO. It'll save you a whole lot of "listening-to-complaints" time.

Jeng Jeng. Presenting Eugene Heng's brand new PDA model - Nokia PWP (Poke With Pen). Let me re-introduce Eugene to all of you.
Obsession(s): The University of Tasmania, located on an isolated island flooded with penguin and the entry requirement is extremely low. The horrible part? He's interested in the penguins. The Theory of Evolution as proposed by Charles Darwin. He can't live without a day associating classmates (KEITH) with primates. The Art of Tsun Tzu - Very business minded indeed. Has a popular forum: www.absoluterage.com. Selling tees for charity, which made quite big a hit in college.

This is how he con our money.

Nokis PWP (Press With Pen)...(-_-")

Okay, back to Nokia PWP...limited edition. Last week, we noticed that part of his keypad chipped off, so he poked his way through with a pen. It was dumb. Couple of days ago, the whole keypad was removed and he was holding a pen in his hand full-time, obviously for the hand-phone. His phone was keypad-less and looked exactly like a PDA, the way he handled it. Out of a sudden, he said it was amazing that he could remember all the keys on the phone. Vee Lyn gave him the...WTF face and replied: "All the phone pads also like that right? One to nine..."...WAHAHAHA. I'm going to leave the pants tore story. Eugene will kill me.

Nice leh my chessboard. But i don't know how to play...Harry Potter wan also lose er...

A Day Out

2006-09-26T03:58:00.000+08:00

I was chatting with Piao Ching earlier and he told me he just came back from a convoy. So the very innocent (Nice way to describe jakoon...) me asked, "What's a convoy?" ...because I have absolutely no idea what is it and the only thing that came across my mine was lots of sushi on the conveyor belt. Now that I was told that a convoy is like a meeting / grouping, however you like to put it...and what they did was cruising around town in a group of 40 and went to the beach... I also want to join one lar!!! Too bad, I don't have a Putra.

Doesn't matter. I am going to establish my own club. The Michelin Club. I'll be the president and the president has the say. Since I don't officially have my own car yet and you can't call it Michelin Club without the tyres...I have decided that our gathering activities involve running around town with Michelin around the waist. People going to look also mah...Correct or not Piao Ching? The plus side is...we also get to go to the beach. Better still, we get to go into the sea because Michelin is around the waist. We take it to a higher level. Putra Club / Hotshots / Kenarians...all lose lar...

Yes...Vote for me - Choki-choki Ajinomoto.

Over here in the Michelin Club we don't race car wan...we make it easier...Tyre-rolling competition. See whos' tyre roll the fastest means if put in on the car also the car will be the fastest lar....why race car?...Later *Boom*Bang*Crash*...AHHH! Kaki patah and kepala meletup.

I'd better tell you this before Vee Lyn does it in her post. Self-embarrassment is the only way to walk over the shame. I happily volunteered to drive all of us to One Utama on Saturday. All was well throughout the journey, until we reached the car park. While approaching the ticket machine, Jeffrey told me to switch lane (Last minute...damn random lor you...) and of course the car ended up in a very ugly position. I couldn't reach the machine!!! The window was down, seat belt was released, half my body was out of the window and I still couldn't reach the machine!!! Fine lar like that nevermind. My "Touch n Go" card was not working. I had to open the door and stepped out for the ticket. I swear the Kelisa girls behind me laughed.

I think we all had enough of exams. We were all behaving oddly. Peiwen has the ability to burp whenever she wants and she kept doing it. So it was "burp" + hehehe + "burp" + hehehe...continuously. And I was in a very serious mode trying to pick up the burping technique but nevertheless I failed. Vee Lyn had a real bad stomach ache and hugged a pole for a really long time. At first, we were stranded in the toilet for quite some time until an unpleasant aroma filled the air and we were forced to leave. I was bored and started showing Peiwen my nose muscle exercise. It was developed because I personally think that it will help to narrow my nose = prettier mah...There I was next to Vee hugging the other side of the pole and exercised my nose (series of contracting the muscles)...Then, a lady passed by and stared at me for a pretty long time which I couldn’t figure out why until I realized my nose muscles were still in exercise. That was why she stared at me...Never see before people exercise nose muscle while hugging a pole ah?! ...Jakoon.

Yes lar...never see before meh? Exercising nose muscles.

This is snuffle. Vee's baby. Very bulu-ful and hump-ful.

Example of a bad photo where everyone is sesat.

A better one.

Not tooth-ache lar...conflicting whether to puchase or not.

I really hate exams. You can't judge one's ability and intelligence through scores. That's just plain shallow. Apparently, the whole world is...Sigh...I need to get my beauty sleep. Deprived. Back to study.

Lazy Post

2006-09-23T23:37:00.000+08:00

I know I've been very irresponsible lately hardly updating my blog. Let me remind you again I am very good at multi-tasking, so I'm going to blog while eating my Maggi Laksa (secret recipe)...First, cook the maggi until separuh masak (Steak meh?!)...Then, drain off water and add milk...yes the moo-moo milk. After that, add seasoning (Maggi Curry)...Tadaa! You get Maggi Laksa. Maggi Laksa is also my remedy for constipation as it contributes to 1-day diarrhea. NO lar...joking.

Oklar..honestly, I am very lazy to tell stories. There's a saying that goes "A picture speaks a million words"... Just look and give yourself some room for imagination lar...For the first time, you can tell you own story...

Hello, my name am Choki-choki Ajinomoto and I is the President of Japan. I is promise all of you that one day sushi will be distributed for free and everyone must use SK II. And I is hunting for the lady in the background to be assassinated because she destroyed my picture...*Full of crap. Japan where got president*... This was to check the lightings. Haih...my smile is so charming = use colgate *Blushes*...The sun also shine for me...(WTF like a guy trying to sweet talk a girl lor...)...

Sometimes friends fight too. Nola we were too bored and the cones were around. We couldn't carry cars or trees you see. And the cones were heavy too...

The cute dimple guy. We don't know him at all but we kind of jumped into the picture because everyone has dimples...No lar... Peiwen doesn't has any. I have one on my right because I always poke with pen. I'll do it to my left side also lar...

Peiwen...constipated ah? Hehe.

Yes lar...we like to camwhore lar...when you have it, flaunt it...correct?

I am in a very sober state now. Sober in Nikki's dictionary means very tired, stoned, constipated, sleepy, back pain...So, going to bed. Night :)

Vertically Challenged

2006-09-23T10:08:00.000+08:00

"Nikki you need to grow taller".
I am not tall, I know. Don't need to constantly remind me. But I am happy with the way I am mar...That's the most important of all isn't it? Being not tall comes with whole lot of advantage okay?...And I have scientific back-ups wan lor...

Firstly, being not tall means the risk of being strike by high-voltage flow of charges a.k.a lighting is DAMN low. Correct or not?...Lighting "prioritize" taller objects mah. This indicates that shorter people indeed have higher chances of survival.

Nowadays, damn lot of inter-country dissatisfaction = WAR. Haiyo, don't say Malaysia peaceful lar...Our turn will come. Again, the shorter people have an advantage. Why? Because ang-mo all tall tall right...then when they fire guns all also the vertical displacement will be BEYOND our range. So shorter people can walk around freely and still stay alive while bullets are flying above our heads. What happen to the tall people? All kena bullet and mati kong-kiao...(Ehehe...curses...SHO BAD)...

I knew it!!! Some of you going to counter with Napoleon right? I don't know how he died lar. But if he was sacrificed in the war I also got explanation for that. He was short alright but you need to know hor...things happen in life. Opposing armies also have short ones okay?...Maybe that's how he died lar. Level mar...attack then die lor.

*Damn manglish lar this post* If you notice...I like to illustrate.

Some more right, shorter people are more stable because our centre of gravity is nearer to the ground hence we don't fall that easily. Vern Xi is exceptional lar... "I won't fall down wan!!!"...the next thing you hear *Boom*Bang*Crash*...Vern Xi on the floor.

Must come up with more disadvantages of being tall!!! *Thinks real hard*...AHAK!...Easier to kena bird droppings. (Now that reminds me that my cheeky classmates once asked a substitution EST teacher what is bird-droppings...She answered "Itu burung terbang jatuh kot...") May all the bird-shits land on taller people...

See nature is favouring the shorter people hence natural selection is taking place. One day all the alleles catering for great heights will be rotated out of the gene pool...Then evolution takes place where the earth is only safe for not tall people and they will survive, interbreed and produce fertile offsprings. *Too much of biology studies*...

SHO SHAD

2006-09-16T09:45:00.000+08:00

(Jeng Jeng Jeng Jeng)...I can feel my abdominal two-packs forming. Nope, I don't workout for it. I got it by laughing a lot. Particularly at Peiwen and Keng Heng's attempt to communicate in Cantonese. Half the time they don't know what they were talking about; the other half were TOTALLY out of tune and the pronunciation was horrible. Not that my Cantonese super chun lar...but I'm the best among the three.

PW: Lei ho ma? Ngor ho ho. (How are you? I am fine)
KH: Har? (Paused)...Oh oh...er, ngor do ho ho. (I am fine too)
PW: Yii? lei sek gong gong dung wa ma? (You can speak Cantonese?)
KH: Er...Er...Emm (Nodded)...ngor sek...(Yes)

And the rest of the conversation is very much a repeating of the above.

There was a charity play "Mousetrap", the murdering mystery by Agatha Christie in college last night. Eugene Heng persuaded us to go for it by telling us it will be damn good a play. I am not into literature you see, the same goes for Peiwen and Alvin. Once the play started, Peiwen and I exchanged glance and swore to kill Eugene. We were pretty far off the stage and we couldn't catch the lines...the sound system was not properly calibrated (Couldn't find the word lar...) or perhaps I'm just accustomed to people talking loudly...

During the second half of the play, Peiwen and I entertained ourselves by playing with Nips (Kacang wrapped in chocolate). We stuffed 6 or 7 into out mouth, started talking to each other and laughed non-stop. God knows how the Nips ended up on the carpet...Thanks to Alvin Leong Fun Sheet and Alice Tan Pei Wen. Then, the three morons peeped under the chairs and giggled all the way.

The Masterpiece.

I'm in fatigue lar...study for trials like mad. Yes lar... I very kiasu lar...Furthermore, I don't pay to fail okay? But I am easily distracted by objects and unimportant events surrounding me. This is the routine: Open text book; study for 10 minutes; feel hungry; cook maggi - decided that I should make full use of the makan-time by multitasking = turn on TV = watch for 2 hours ;decided too full to study; walk around and do dumb things. In the end, stuck at the same page for 3 days. I've been staring at the same sentence for 3 days. SHO SHAD lar.

See? Distraction.

I also want to be indian...

The chica

2006-09-15T10:07:00.000+08:00

Okay lar...My bosoms pretty much started the controversy in my tagboard (Which is so messy right now...Boohoo...). Practically half of the earth's populations have them just in different sizes. I can't figure out why is it such a big deal. Furthermore, I don't understand the mentality of those people who feel that there's a need to publicly comment on it as if the whole world needs to know. Perhaps it's just plain out of ordinary or perhaps that fellow's just a bit concern...I don't have breast cancer thank you.

Now that reminds me of something else. I have a bunch of breast-obsessed gang in college. Consist of few very boobily perverted girls that enjoy boob-watching and I'm in the club. Our daily routine involved standing at the corridor and scanning for boobilicious girls, guessing their sizes / the type of bra they wear by the shape of the boobs.

Asam-mou-lou-kung

WAHAHA...Peiwen's attempt to look like a flower.

Vee Lyn a.k.a woman (In saree). Profession: Cockstaring. Can be extremely ganas when irritated. Overused phrase: Macau sea + Lan jiao +Motherfugging S-hole + Do I look like I give 5 fucks. Can't live without DARK purple. Wants to be an Indian...Her one stare can scares the salesman FAR FAR away...My one stare ended me up with cookies from the charity drive...Very animated when gossiping.

Sheela a.k.a woman (In beige). Profession: Blurring. I resort never to teach her anything anymore because the next minute she will tell me she forgets everything. Petrified by cats...and kittens. Nicknamed Tiny because she's very petite. Typical question: *Puzzled frown + smile* "Why?"...When she calls me...I just need to pick up and reply "C27". She doesn't know classes...also once labeled Chapalang (Mix blood).

Peiwen a.k.a woman (also) or Alice...hehe (Left back one also you cannot tell meh?). Profession: Drama-queening. Always late for class. Overused phrases: You ass! / Ma Cibai / Am I suppose to laugh?...Mandarin out of tune gao gao. Don't know why elected class-treasurer. Can be very emotional at times. Afraid of cats as much as Sheela does. She's amplified.

OWH...one more...PENNY. The boob-grabber. Whenever she sees me "Nikki come"...I'll be telling myself "Nikki run". Sei hum sap por...(Ei,why I developed the habit of using Sei Humsap somebody...because there's too much humsap people around me...) Again barking dogs don't bite...so fear not :)

Oklar...we also stalk couples lar...can't blame us what...they show excessive public affection. If don't want people to see why show? So we happily spectate while sipping on our milo ais lar...No need to hug hug and kiss kiss so many times. We can tell you're together if you hold hands okay? You know ah...people all want to makan but when you hug and kiss and this and that ah...my food might end up in your face. Like Vee said: Get a room. We are Asians! We must remain conservative or at least semi-conservative. *Political spirit strikes*

Okay...I want to semangat Physics now.

Sigh...

2006-09-14T21:51:00.000+08:00

Yes la...
I kena saman lar...*Crowd pauses and applauses*...
Very funny meh? Papa Yap also laughed at me.
I very proud okay?...My very first ticket.

Jenis kesalahan:
09 (c) - Tiket dipamerkan dalam keadaan yang tidak dapat dikenal pasti atau dilihat oleh atendan letak kereta.
Ceh...like that also against the law.
I must take revenge.
I must make sure everybody get samans also.
Oklar...I cheated lar...I didn't pay for the parking.
I do it 4 days a week. Meaning I only pay for one day and re-use the same parking ticket every other day.
You think money easy to earn ah?...You think still got a lot of 50 cents ah?...You think coins smell very nice ah?...You think...You think...You think err...Parking ticket not made of paper ah...You think still got a lot of trees ah?...

Can't blame me okay.
I was once cheated by the machine near 7-11.
Inserted 4 bucks...keyed in car plate number...the screen showed "Processing Ticket"
After 5 minutes still processing obviously something damn wrong right?...
Then had to rush to another machine on the other end of the road with 2 bucks (was late for class and no time to search for coins)...
I felt so betrayed you know...

To make things worse ah...this china-beng (Chinese Ah-Beng) who drove a Black Mercedes slowed down...looked humsaply at me and said "Nice boobs".
Instantaneously the Macau Sea expression was on my face...If you don't know Macau Sea = macauhai (Girl not suppose to curse okay?)...But we can't show our uneasiness you know...otherwise that fella will be damn satisfied. So I replied "I know"...Sei Hum Sap Lou. Hope you crash.

Wahahaha...some friend was saying "aishiteruyo"...meaning I love you in Japanese.
But all i can think of is...I wanna shit...cause ai-shit-teruyo...

SIGH...my tagboard is now more interesting than my rants...

Sai!

2006-09-11T20:20:00.000+08:00

Yes. I thank all of you for showing concern over my bowel difficulties. I know it is inappropriate to speak about it publicly but I don't care. I am violating the Law of Decent Behaviour for discussing bodily matters but it's OK. I know all of you are wanting to know bout my health being...(Grammy's meh!)

I don't have the habit of drinking water la wey. I have good reasons:
1. Heavy to carry around = wasting energy = need more food to provide energy = starvation in third world country = death.
2. Polluted source = hazardous = health complications = death.
3. Too much of water in extra-cellular environment = flooded cells = lysis = death.
4. If one day we are in need of water due to massive consumption = increases price = inflation = death.

Overall I am just trying to make the world a better place. Thank you for offering solutions but again different individuals have different biological functions so what may be appropriate for you may not work for me.

Voon Sien: Constipated arr?
Nikki: Yalar...so san fu man~
Voon Sie: Eat baked potato la...
Nikki: Who tell you that one can make you shit? More constipated right?
Voon Sien: No la...fart a lot then shit la.
Nikki: ...What the fart...

Who says faeces comes together with farts. It's the other way around okay. When you shit there's bowel movement and so the trapped air is released which explains why fart is stinky because it is the neighbour of shit. Don't BULLSHIT and tell me your shit smells nice. Papa Yap's solution is even more jaw-dropping. You see Papa Yap has great digestion and visits the toilet bowl few times on a daily basis. The greater part is that he only shits right before he needs to fetch us to somewhere. Over the years we have adapted and would give him 20minutes allowance to shit right before we need to go out.

Papa Yap's solution is for me to visit the toilet every morning regardless of whether I have the need to shit or not. He said if you sit long enough the shit will eventually come out and insisted that I do it for quite some time. Obviously, it is not true because I simply sat and stared at the ceiling/ played with toilet rolls/ flattened my butt... everything but shit. Then he suggested that I SQUAT!!!...I don't think I'll be able to stand steadily after that because my legs would be damn numb. So I lied that I am shitting healthily to avoid further suffering.

Recently I discovered an antidote for my illness mathematic period!!! I somehow realize that I pay the washroom frequent visits during mathematic period. Perhaps too much of calculus pressured the shit out of me...I know it doesn't make sense but it really is pretty much that way. This I really don't understand and need enlightenment. How come there are people who failed to shit IN the toiletbowl?! The bowl is of huge diameter right or not? Why do I see bang sai NEXT to the toiletbowl and worse near the flushing pipe. What on earth are you thinking when you shit? Aim for the hole la!!!...Another day Sonya and Ylaine came back to class giggling like mad and told me there was something interesting in the bathroom. Being the ke-poh-chi, I rushed to the cubicle they named and OMG!...the shit was not only OUT of the toiletbowl...it was smeared and part of it was ON the wall. Amoi, you looking for 50 cents in your shit to pay for parking is it (Parking machines in SS15 discriminate coins of other sizes).

Dude...You need to learn how to aim.

If you notice, i avoid using commas because the key on my keyboard is like SOT-plug. I think my internal circuit kind of went haywire. Don't offer any advise. The last time I tried to "press on the comma button HARD HARD"...the whole keyboard cacat-ed. I can't just change a keyboard you see. The problem is on the laptop. I will never game with laptop anymore.

Oh,I'll adapt a blog-once-every 2/3 days policy because I don't have that much to blog about :P ...Boohoo...trials around the corner. I WILL stay back in library everyday until 9pm to finish my revisions...I mean it this time...*crap*

Determined-to -study-hard face. Really... No lar...

Let's PLAY...NOT!

2006-09-10T11:58:00.000+08:00

On the slope of Holmby Hills, LA, nestled the ground of the world's biggest womanizer, Hugh Hefner, the father of Playboy. What inspired me to blog bout him?...It just sort of hit me when I saw the Playboy Icon on the magazine rack in college LIBRARY...*rushes to grab it*

How many playmates are there in the house? I can't tell, but Hugh has his personal favourites and they were made his girlfriends. Seven in total...the highest-ranking one being Holly Madison, 27 (So young hor?)...Needless to mention that in order to be his girlfriends, sexual activities are inevitable. However, only Holly is holy enough to share his bed. The rest of the girls will be off to their own sanctuaries after the actions...(Aiyer!!! Who wants to get intimate with a 80-year old ah pek?! Sleep together somemore, what if one day he passes away...*PUKES*).

The one in pink is Holly.

A summary of Hugh's girlfriends:
1. Big boobs and blonde hair = CHEAPER looking version of the CHEAP Pamela Anderson.
2. Mentally handicap = so stupid, follow old man
3. Get a $1000 per week, free healthcare services (Plastic surgeries)...and a shopping allowance.
4. Have to either have sex with Hugh of among themselves.
5. Whenever they go out, they need to seek fashion approval from Hugh (Don't see why since they practically don't wear any...)
6. Cannot have other boyfriends...(Gender equality KONON, the man has like hundred of partners on and off)

So you think Hefner is just a pimp correct no?...The man has a major in Psychology, a species of rabbit named after him - Sylvilagus palustris hefneri (Playboy's mascot is a rabbit if you haven't figure it out, some idiot once told me it's a peace sign)...***Wonder if this species of rabbit has big boobies, blonde fur and homosexual***...Why homosexual? Anyone with common sense could tell, young ladies at the peak of their fertility (As nature has intended to assure reproduction) tied to the 80-year old Hefner, self-proclaimed "Viagra King"...What can he do with the blue pills? Pump blood to the genital and nothing else. So what to do when they are in need and surrounded by the world's most wanted playmates?...Love own gender lor...SHO SHAD. The species was announced endangered species and I wish they'd extinct since it's named in honour of a womanizer...I don't want the Rabbit World to have another Hugh Hefner.

Moshi moshi...Watashiwa Fae-su Kanasai (My face is like shit)...

SEI HAM SUP LOU. So old already still want to search for new playboy bunnies (Started 11 August)...Maybe Christie suggested lar...Christie is his daughter that took over Playboy Enterprise...*Got incest or not ah?*...WTF, I can't think straight when it comes to Hefner. Legend has it that the man does't believe in condoms, I figured out that you probably won't need any when your sperm count is zero and that you're near death...STDs won't kill you in time.

So la hor...life ain't that grand as a Playmate. Sacrificing dignity for fame is VERY wrong, especially when it involves old man. Playing women is the biggest mistake of all because you're juggling with your own image. What if one day you decided to settle down but no one wants to accompany you because of your rotten reputation?...Same goes for females. And I don't need to tell you this: The best thing to put on to avoid STDs is...your pants. When it comes to women, it's the quality that's taken into account NOT the quantity.

Sunway Lagoon

2006-09-09T14:39:00.000+08:00

This is the Sunway Lagoon Water Park. For those of you who knew me long enough, you know I once worked here as a lifeguard. For those who don't, you should be acknowledged by now. It may not be as great as overseas' waterparks but I believe that it doesn't matter where you go, what matters is who you go with. Let me cerita abit lar.

The Lake, where couples gather to take Swan Rides. Very romantic meh?...Paddling under hot sun, so tiring. Don't you ever wonder if it's so fun, how come you don't see any lifeguards at it?...Hehe, I'll let you in a for a little secret. Every afternoon, the head of the lifeguard and the small farts on break will gather at the surf pool (Next to the lake)...to feed the fishes in the lake. Fishes, no big a deal right?...What if I tell you the tail of the fish alone is approximately my size?...Muahahaaa...Scared no?...Sunway was once a mining site, and so the lake was a mine site filled with filthy water. Let me convince you fishes in the lake, they are HUGE. Only the fittest survive, the smaller ones had been eaten up. Don't say I didn't warn you.

We call this the Python because of the shapes of the tubes. You have to queue up for the twin floats, climb few storey before you can get to the launching station. There are 3 tubes: Closed roof, semi-closed roof and open roof. The rule is that you MUST go down two by two. Because you'll need the momentum and the support to stay in the tube (You'll fly out if you're too light...so two's a safety measure). The funny thing is that, some people don't know their numbers. I remember once an Arabic man came up with the tube alone and I told him he can't go down alone. Communication was hard so I just took the float away from him and flashed him a peace sign (Indicating TWO). He should be getting the idea right?...I turned around after I placed the float behind the station, and to my horror, that idiot went down the tube WITHOUT a float or a partner. So stupid right? Lucky for him that it was a closed tube. Mr. Macho arrived down there with a bruised back, the tubes weren't meant for human skin lar...stupid or not?...

People always ask me how many victims I saved before. My answer: I don't need to safe any. The water is too shallow...(If I can stand hor, means it's safe lar). You rush out into a pool from the python tubes and normally you'll overturn and fall into the water. I remember once when I was stationed there for duty, this fat lady fell into the water and she was struggling and screaming for help. I walked over to her, tapped her on the shoulder and told her "You can stand". She stood up immediately with a blush and left the pool.

The Surf Pool. Where they offer body boarding and surfing. The motor generates 20 waves every hour so you can expect one every 3 minutes. Nothing much on offer unless you join the surfing session and a bonus for you if you're a guy. The waves actually washed off bikinis and swimsuits of surfers but the girls will fixed it in the bubbles. You have to be quick. Hehe. This is Quiksilver and Roxy's favourite spot for events lar...

Ylaine told me something hilarious yesterday. There's this mushroom area where the water is only knee-depth and Patric Chua did something really dumb. He put on his goggles and started swimming in water level that probably wasn't high enough to cover his big butt. When Ylaine and her friends walked past and found Patric doing that, they were at utmost embarrassment. WAHAHAHA.

Re-Introduce

2006-09-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

OMPH...

Nikki a.k.a Yap Poh Lian...ME!
Mastermind behind all evil plots.
PhD in craptology.
Drives recklessly and grabs every available opportunity to cheat MPSJ people.
Hates mathematic as much as seafood.
Look like over-ripe lime in yellow.
Vertically challenged.
Compact (Equipped with airbags).
Overused phrase: Shut up before I slap you...Normally to Vern Xi.
Degree of humsapness: 4/10 (Average)
Skills: Verbally attacking people
Weakness: Chocolate

Yes...Chinese girls are crazy (Ylaine on the right).

Ylaine Liow.
If there's a higher level of PhD in craptology, she's first in honour.
Vertically challenged as well.
Likes to show off bra pattern...obviously to Sonya and I only lar!
Always spotted with "valentine" mosquito bites.
Hamsters' nightmare.
Suck as much as I do in driving.
Only need to visit washroom during mathematic lessons.
Degree of humsapness: 5.5/10 (Average)
Skills: Making nonsense sense
Weakness: Andy

Sonya's in the middle.

Sonya.
Queen of sarcasm...
Love is indeed BLIND.
Tried to prank me in disguise as "Adrian, the civil engineering student from Metropoliton"...Nenek, Metro is a business/financing school okay?
My blur-mate during mathematic lessons...
VERY straight forward.
Level of humsapness: 3.5/10 (Mild)
Skills: Giving the "You're retarded stare".
Weakness: 30...hehe.

Ah Pat. The face of justice. WTF.

Patric Chua a.k.a. pat pat.
He took lameness the highest level.
Responsible to spread lame-nity among peers.
Situation (In library locker area):
Me: Pat, I wana go washroom first. Where you sitting?
Patric: On a chair...(WTF)
Has a huge rear for a male...
Reminds me of Bart Simpson.
Level of humsapness: 0.5/10 (Abnormal)
Skills: Lame
Weakness: Super complicated matrix equations.

This want lar...LVX.

Vern Xi.
Has a toy poodle that smells like coffee (He claims).
Guru of humsapness.
Very much like Jack Sparrow...Practically whacked by every single girl.
Likes to call me "Bao bei"...deserves some serious spanking right?
Looks can be deceiving.
Level of humsapness: 11/10 (Gone case)
Skills: Humsap the crap out of people.
Weakness: Public presentation.

Hsien Leng: Can you stop taking pictures or not? (Yak Yak Yak)

Hsien Leng.
One of the geniuses in class.
Has another half.
Half as lame as Patric.
Always mistaken either as my boyfriend or brother...insulting me meh?
My cam-whoring sidekick or victim (according to him).
Level of humsapness: 2/10 (Mild)
Skills: Science talk until you beh tahan.
Weakness: Someone.

Oklar...I know I left alot of people out. Too tired already. Will blog bout you when the inspiration sprangs. Jo I need your picture. Babes...hehe...patience...***SO HAPPY!!! I am cure of constipation (If you don't know me...I'm always constipated. It's nothing to be ashame about, it's a very biological thing because I don't drink much water)...I finally shat. God finally gave me shit. WOOHOO!!...not like i don't shit for years lar...Just a matter of days...2 or 3 days...I'm sure there are higher records. By the way, shit too much hor...not good. Olfactory pollution.

My Class

2006-04-21T18:29:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...what can I say. I absolutely love my classmates. I mean...look at the pictures, they agreed to join my act of stupidity...where else can you get friends like that???...It was taken during mathematic lesson, everyone was practically stressed out due to the Chemistry test. I think the authorities who set the questions did it on purpose. When everyone flipped over and looked at the first question, the next thing I heard was people sighing and lots of page-flipping noises (moved on to the next question).

My theory is that by making the first question pretty tough, students have sub-conciously registered that the paper is hard and therefore, the paper will be tough. The next purpose is to short-list candidates who are eligable for the Dato' Loy scholarship that added up about 4-million ringgit this year. Candidates are to adhere to few conditions with absentees no more than 90%, maintain a consistant academy performance throughout the year and to behave properly. Walau eh...set questions like that, confirm at least 40% will be disqualified lo...horrible.

This is Premi. Member of the "Late To Class" clan. Reminds me of Spike, the blur dino, in "The Land Before Time". A frequent visitor to the washroom, always seen with male species and tend to get picked on by niology teacher. Bought 2 phones in less than a month.

Yeap Jo Wearn (the 1 with the finger directed toward the camera). It takes skill to capture his frame. Ditches photo taking but lousy in taking photos. So, what to do?...My chemistry lab partner...can be extremely sarcastic at times. Have a tendency to sit at isolated corner in class, claims he's a loner.

Chia Yeow (I think spelled correctly) - class representative. I call her the "Nike" girl, cause she wears Nike products 95% of the tim...name it and she has it. Very good at coiling hair around rod-like structure and keep it so throughout the day. Has a huge chicken farm back at hometown (damn fun!!!).

Gopi (right)...genius among geniusses...don't know how he does it but he can solve all of the question. Innocent and always picked on by the Dai-ka-che's in class. Always hear from him that his erasers are shattered. I am currently sitting next to him (1st row) in class, with the hope that wicked intelligence can be highly contagious...but appparently not la.

Eu-Jin. Holding a record for being absent 50% of the 1st semester. Can be potentially annoying at times. Capable of surfacing with dumb theories and dumber questions. Easily amazed (look at the picture lo). But I was shocked upon acknowledging that he got 14As for SPM...or is it 13As?...haih, so unbelievable. He's smart la, but lazy.

I like this picture. Suppose to be see no evil, speak no evil and hear no evil (however the sequence is)...Ylaine came up with smell no evil...(but why inserting her fingers in the nostrils???)...hehehe...this was the last picture we managed to capture before Miss Tiew banned phototaking in class.

This is Srijan's finger. One picture can win over a million words. Seeing is believing.

Yala...this is my class. And I love it. Ok, wanna get back to sleep. Yesterday went Hartamas and downed some tequila...kinda dizzy now. I can't drink.

Lovely Lecturer...he's freaking smart!

2006-04-18T16:37:00.000+08:00

Haih...I'll be sitting for my biology common test tomorrow and I don't have the slightest idea why am I still blogging. Something is so wrong with me this few days, I have a very soar throat, a blocked nose and variable body temperature (fever and cold)...Suffering!!!...I find every single change I can to show my dad that I hate S.A.M...so when he suggested that I should consult a doctor..."Aiya, no need la. Is lidat wan...S.A.M ma, so hectic, no time to exercise...impossible to stay healthy and fit...never mind la, I'll get use to it."...Well, that statement managed to psycho him abit and he further questioned me about my programme. I provided my supporting details (S.A.M suck)...and maybe, I say MAYBE...exaggerated a little to give it a dramatic effect. Finally, he popped a question I must have been waiting for ages: Do you want to change programme?...I could see fireworks and angels...but then I remember my mum issued a 8.6k cheque upon registration and I just paid 1k for examination fees earlier today...if I quit, I am wasting almost 10k...SIGH~ So, I decided to remain in S.A.M...or at least finish the first sem to see how thing goes. I really hate the assignments.

Physics was boring today, I spent half a period avoiding my lecturer because I was doing revision for biology. As long life as he can get, he hung around at my table area, and offered assistance at every possible chance (when we look puzzled la). And coincidently, Kenneth and Jo-wearn (who were sitting behind me) looked extremely puzzled today. Mr. John squeezed behind my chair (not that I am...prosperous)...to assist them in problem solving. Born cheeky, I resisted the devil in me to prank him, but the evil one managed to convince me to do something really dumb, and I persuaded Pei Wen to give me a hand. Products?...(I am very apologetic for the not so good-looking character in the captions...blame it on the evil side of me...)

Hohoho...ini buntut.

Muahaha...kasi cucuk sikit.

Aiya!!!...dia bergerak la...(itu "care-leh-feh" behind gua punye photographer - Tommy)

Cepat!....buat tak tahu...

Ok, better go study for biology test. Still have 80% to cover...(omg!)...yet I am not panic...cause I have darn good memory. Hohoho.

A very...unpleasant caption of Pei Wen and I. It's okay la, we don't mind looking ugly once in a while.

A better one to compensate for the fugly one above.

I HATE S.A.M

2006-04-17T22:27:00.000+08:00

Today is damn hectic a day. First, we had to submit our biology draft, then we had DI - directed investigation for mathematics...not very hard but it was a race against time. After that, we had to complete our biology practical report...not to forget out LAN test...oh no no, it is now referred to as mata pelajaran wajib (MPW) - crap!!!...and all of that in 6 hours...quite hectic la. The only thing enjoyable today was my dance class...from 7pm to 9pm and I never complain. Hehe...it's a passion.

If there's anything wrong with Taylor's, it's the computers in the library. They suck. The problem?...Pick a computer, the mouse is either only moving vertically OR horizontally...or...after you type in username and password, it loads for a while...and then terminates due to don't know what (fake hope is the worst you can get)...or...if you're lucky enough, you are logged in...but the USB port ain't working. The server is VERY considerate, you can multitask (pinjam buku, cari buku, sms, cakap, marah)...while waiting for the site to load. Below was a candid shot taken by Tommy Tan Kee Yei, my unpaid photographer (not planning to pay also)...it captured the blur side of me...so i decided to post it.

this is as blur as i can get (still, looking intelligent)

So for those who haven't decide what to do for your Pre-U, unless you like work + pressure + more work + more pressure...you shouldn't choose S.A.M. Practically everyone I know who's doing S.A.M regretted. Yeah, all they informed upon registration was it is based on a 50 - 50 assessment. (...and some bloody mon-chichis are feasting on my blood now...itchy la)...The truth is...I spend an average of 8 hours in college ( 7am - 3pm )...then another 2 to 3 hours completing last minute assignments and the weekends doing research works. I only get to play if I stay up till 3am, which I don't. I really hate S.A.M now. I will stop complaining...

Anyway, it's Kenneth's big day today, I wonder why so many people's birthdays are squeezed in April. Hsien Ling and I tried really hard to put on some artistic poses but as usual they never turn out as expected. Blame it on Jo-wearn's lousy photographing skill. OH, I managed to snap a picture of John Bosco (refer to previous post) this morning when I was stoning in Asia Café. I waited for him to appear and then...***Chi Kak***...hohoho, I froze his sexy pose (puke!)...but really, if you look at it in a professional way it is...suppose to be sexy...

this was suppose to resemble the tugu negara

Kenneth : The dragon from the movie "5 children and It"...i am good at relating people with animals and animations.

fuiyoh...sexy...(see how he's teasing?)...i'm so sick...no la, not attracted to him

Another Day

2006-04-15T18:23:00.000+08:00

Ok, a typical day for me is to attend college from 8am - 3pm...with a 1-hour break slotted in. And as usual, my classmates and I spend our breaks in Asia Cafe, sitting at the stage...serving us will be the one and only John Bosco (No.47)...we absolutely love him because he reminded us of "!xobile" (if you watched Russell Peters)...I dare say he spoke the best english among all the south african waiters there.Unfortunately, he has a tendency to confuse all of us upon making our payment because he doesn't carry small change with him.He insisted that one person pay for all and then we are to settle the payments among ourselves...Bosco:"He pei me ten dolla, yoz one fiftee and yoz iz fiftee cenz,you pei him,he pei me."...the cycle goes on until at least 6 of us are involved and in the end, everyone laughs...***I'll snap a picture of him a.s.a.p.***...and one of my friends claimed that he bumped into Bosco in Zouk...now that's something unexpected...ei???

Nyum...notice the lone pair of chopsticks?

It was Patric's birthday last Friday...it didn't occur to me until Sonya appeared with the chocolate moist cake.It was delicious!!!...Oh, before I forget, I have a habit. I force my classmates to take pictures of me...hehe...when I don't notice...muahahaha, they are getting better at it. So after a while, I started playing with the chocolate topping, applied the paste to my front teeth, and Sonya joined in. Hsien Ling had a hard time trying to take our picture because he was laughing historically. I thought it was pretty artistic. Do excuse the messy table...the wan-tan mee belongs to Sonya.Hehe. I must mention that Kenneth and my attempt to eat the cake with chopsticks didn't turn out right, because we were fighting for the chopsticks, each of us ended up with one side of the pair of chopsticks. I know we looked "bo-ge" in the picture...but that's the core purpose of it...despite looking pretty dumb...we looked innocent and happy.

Thirsty la...talk too much.

Ok, so the wan tan mee was mine.

Cheeze!!!

Marilyn Manson

2006-04-15T11:16:00.000+08:00

Marilyn Manson, born Brian Hugh Warner (1969)...leader of the
band previously named "Marilyn Manson and the Spooky Kids" (now changed to just Marilyn Manson). From the combination of Marilyn Monroe (superstar) and Charles Manson (serial killer) - derived Marilyn Manson, a name that symbolises fame and sadism (make sense la...his music lidat).

With songs entitled "Antichrist Superstar", "Personal Jesus"...and look at the designs of his album...needless to say, he took the anti-christ path. His style is pretty dark...ghastly...and I find it nice (I am a little sadistic and I'm not christian).To all the christians who are reading this, I am not anti-christ...don't get offended la. Different individuals have different likings, and mine just so happen to be his dark style. ***NOTE: Just the style, not the anti-christ part...I know he's horrible and freaky, but he's a good artist. So don't bombard me with $#*@&-!% when you see me around...hehe ;P

Back to M.M., this man had done..."wonders" to himself...I mean, judjing by the amount of make up he puts on his face (so pale looking and the big clown mouth), the face expression he puts on 24/7 to look wicked and constipated...such sacrifice for fame.I am struggling to find out how reliable are the stories...but after eliminating those that are completely senseless (e.g he has a third nipple, bleached his eyeball - crap!), I left these two... because if he has a third nipple, I'll worship him, and if he bleached his eyes...he won't be alive.

1. He had few of his ribs removed to facilitate oral self gratification (or give himself blow job la)...yala...so sick.

2. It is also said that in one of his concerts, he tossed puppies to the crowd and demanded them to kill the puppies, or he stops the concert...and immediatly, the puppies were killed.

Despite being extremely weird, he managed to get himself a pretty wife. He tied the knot with his girlfriend of 5 years, Dita Von Teese, in Gottfried Helnwein's (his best friend) castle in Ireland. Their wedding pictures were published in Vogue, what to do?...The celebration was grand...with a touch of elegance...imagine outfits from John Galliano, Vivienne Westwood...He might be freaky, but he earns money!